Dolly Parton’s celebrated ode to the 1980’s career gal begins, “tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of ambition.” This entire song is still a whole mood but in this millennium, my cup of ambition is laced with THC. I may work for my damn self these days, but that doesn't negate the decade I spent as a line cook or the decade I spent in an office. And between you and I, dear reader, the perennial employee of the month (me) was hella stoned pretty much the whole time. But being stoned in the colloquial sense (read: bloodshot burnout) isn’t a great or entirely safe work look no matter what's on your nametag or nameplate. Discretion is only tantamount to nuance, but both are primary criteria for what I lovingly describe as “work weed.”

Work weed criteria include but are not limited to: calm, focused energy; bright bursts of radical creativity; inspired, meaningful productivity; elevated dexterity; and a relaxed attitude that enables all these effects to coalesce. Oh, and it must also numb the user to the horrors of late capitalism. Truth be told, my relationship with the hustle has never been more abundant since we legalized the herb here in Oregon.

A quick cross-reference against other top-rated Proper Cannabis Committee selects supports my mantra. Use exceptional cannabis, get exceptional shit done, or, to paraphrase Ms. Parton in the parlance of our time, let’s blow this dro and get this bread.

For the morning grind of the TriMet commuter

Wyld’s Blood Orange White Chocolate

The majority of Portland’s workforce are commuters who have eschewed the bike freeway or the automobile in favor of spacing out on a TriMet line. And a perfect way to luxuriate before committing to their eight hours is by popping one of these low-dose bonbons an hour and a half or so before clocking in. When eaten early in the course of the morning routine (before toothbrushing unless you’re into the orange-juice-toothpaste experience), I have been able to time it so activation coincides with stepping through the train’s sliding glass threshold as the sun rises over the west hills. The low dose also provides a sheer, ephemeral high that will probably evaporate before your boss even pulls into their front-row parking space.

Leif Goods’ Peanut Butter and Jelly Bar

Another low-dose option to ease the potential excruciation of a daily TriMet commute is Leif’s PB&J bar. One square contains just under 5mg of THC, but Leif’s full-spectrum extracts ensure the experience is far from stoney in that aforementioned colloquial sense. On days when I feel I couldn't possibly take my position as a pawn on the chessboard that is the global economy, Leif’s chocolate reminds me that there is way more to life than corporate ladders, and I’m perfectly capable of playing the game and making that climb for a few hours.

For calming post-presentation nerves and deadline anxieties

Luminous Botanicals’ Meadow Tincture

The rush of public speaking is nothing to sneeze at. Whether your presentation was a masterpiece or an absolute dumpster fire, adrenaline will have its way with you, and if you're anything like me, it will color your entire day, often making it impossible to get anything else done. But I’ve found a few drops of Luminous Botanicals’ Meadow tincture will not only extinguish the wildfire of post-presentation jitters but also cast a rosy hue that lasts well into the evening, revealing beauty and magic in even the most mundane. I’ve personally found this to be the best way to get the hell out of my head since I’m more prone to post-presentation self-flagellation than celebration.

Orchid Essentials’ Lemon Kush

When work anxiety has you ready to sprout wings and fly to Bali to be a beach bum for the rest of your life, two or three solid draws from this Orchid Essentials vape can rein those anxieties in and refocus your energy. For users with a higher tolerance, this is a great option for quieting stress when discretion negates keeping a dab rig on your desk/in your locker.

For maintaining focus despite the fragrant microbrew in the office kegerator

Clay Wolf’s Star Sour Live Resin

I’m just going to say it, if there’s a frigging kegerator in your office, dabbing should also be a normie end-of-day, team-building work activity. That said, this Clay Wolf Star Sour live resin is (in my opinion) ten thousand times more effective than work beer. Its lower potency makes it an excellent tool for focus and clarity without the inherent pep of a fat sativa doink or the impending messiness of a pint or two of local microbrew during an after-hours deadline race. Also, why do so many Portland offices have unlimited beer stashes? When are we supposed to drink it? At 9am? At 5pm, before a rush-hour adventure? Portland, you trippin.

Cascadia Herbals’ Purple Hindu Kush Tincture

When beer breath is aces but weed breath is illicit, Cascadia Herbals’ Purple Hindu Kush tincture is a flawless workaround. Dosing is a bit of a tightrope walk, so iron out an optimum dose before taking this panacea to the workplace. Once dosing is locked down, this is a fantastic product for maintaining bright, cerebral focus and riding waves of inspiration to a shore of productivity. But again, miscalculate the dose and you’ll be curled up under your desk counting stars in your own head.