I Punted My PMS With The Help Of These Truffles
Just as I was entering the hellish apex of pre-menstrual symptoms, this rocky road truffle spared me from going down in flames.
IN REVIEW: Those with painful pre-menstrual symptoms—or any chronic pain at all, really—should take note of the pain-relieving powers of these Rocky Mellows by Journeyman. With 10mg of THC in each bonbon, they're better off for more experienced cannabis consumers, but the high is so relaxing, cannabis novices stand to benefit as well.
I’m an avowed chocolate freak; an equal-opportunity connoisseur of all things cacao, cocoa, and chocolātl (except white chocolate, keep that fake shit away from me). Any stranger with amiable enough hygiene and a genial enough disposition could pop out of an alley and offer me a bit of fancy chocolate and I would eagerly snatch it like the spoiled bonehead that I am. Such is my devotion to this ancestral bean. And the recreational market has only given my obsession new legs.
For example, Journeyman’s Rocky Mellows lit up my palate and then lit up my cannabinoid receptors and the result was so sumptuously stoney that I felt my love of both chocolate and cannabis erupt like a stoney cocoa Krakatoa. One serving of this chocolate marshmallow confection was a pleasure center doubleheader that, for me, a person who resides at the intersection of chocolate freak and varsity stoner, was transcendentally euphoric. And that ain't hyperbole.
“They taste so damn good it's really friggin difficult to eat just one.”
Journeyman’s edible offerings span the ubiquitous (cookies, gummies, jellies) to the truly singular (a medicated chocolate nugget packed with crumbled potato chips). The chocolate confection I auditioned was a rich rocky road fantasy, a sugar-cube-sized truffle that remixed marshmallow, almonds, and smooth milk chocolate into one perfectly balanced bite. I find 10mg of THC to be a manageable dose when ingesting edibles, but in this ideal mouthful, the dose felt more robust than I anticipated (but still totally manageable). Though I consumed a 10mg serving for both of my rating sessions, I look forward to an opportunity to pop two of these at once. Not just to maximize the velvety, calmly euphoric high, but because they taste so damn good it's really friggin difficult to eat just one.
My audition of these deeply snackable bonbons coincided with a typical day in my pre-menstrual cycle. (I am fully aware that non-menstruators are probably looking to click away at this moment and that even the most run-of-the-mill period stories can make certain people mad squeamish. If you fall into one or both of these categories, I get it but also don’t care.) Specifically, it was day five of my PMS, when my pit of everyday despair falls into a pit of PMS despair and then falls into a dumpster and then catches on fire (menstruators, you feel me?). Not yet at the apex of my discomfort but steadily approaching, the onset of the Rocky Mellow gently interrupted my symptoms and replaced them with a calm wake. The chocolate activated with a warmth in my chest that radiated through my torso, romantically complex but almost sensual in its softness. Like an enormous rose blooming in time-lapse, its beauty was familiar but exhilarating.
“I was a freshly weeded garden with a big fat rose blooming in my heart chakra.”
As the high developed, its characteristics became even more lush and cushiony. The perennial discomforts that go hand in hand with pre-menstruation (body cramps, digestion distress, reckless emotionality, etc) evaporated before I had even gotten deep enough into my own misery to acknowledge them. It was only in their absence that I realized how much they control my pre-menstrual existence. And damn if Journeyman’s Rocky Mellows didn’t just cut all the hormonal hinderances right out me. I was a freshly weeded garden with a big fat rose blooming in my heart chakra.
These delightful rocky road truffles had hit the PMS trifecta; they relieved my aches, extinguished my dumpster fire mood, and they were so damn delicious I could tip a bag right into my mouth (but I wouldn't because I don’t enjoy over-medicated incapacitation). The hormonal roller coaster that is my PMS is a legitimate obstacle in my everyday life. From the side-splitting back and abdomen cramps to the hellfire that seems to replace my resting chillanthropist mood, it's imperative I control these symptoms if I expect to be a contributing member of society for those fateful 4-6 days a month.
Finding a product that offers this level of billowy, luxurious relief from these totally normal maladies feels like finding my glass slipper. So I suppose the bottom line is simply this: Journeyman’s Rocky Mellows erased the worst of my PMS symptoms so effectively that I can only imagine how phenomenal they will be when taken with a clear head, a relaxed body, and a bright, sunshiny mood.