A Childhood Classic Gets An Adult Makeover
This is a mature chocolate bar, not some checkout line impulse buy.
As a woman of childbearing age with a healthy reproductive system and a lack of interest in birth control, I experience regular periods. And even though they suck (they really, really do), I’m fortunate to have it relatively easy, which is to say that I can go about my daily routine and not be totally sidelined by my menses. But let me tell you about the week before my period drops: I become irritable beyond measure, easily enraged, weepy, anxious, and endlessly cranky. Weed has always been my saving grace during my most fitful bouts of PMS, which is why you might be surprised to know I’ve never turned to edibles to assuage my pre-menstrual symptoms—until now.
“Complex notes of cacao, wood, vanilla, earth, and fresh cannabis flower invited me in.”
My first whiff of Leif Goods’ Peanut Butter and Jelly Chocolate Bar was pleasant but expected. Complex notes of cacao, wood, vanilla, earth, and fresh cannabis flower invited me in. Right away, I could tell this was a mature chocolate I was dealing with, not some cheap candy bar you impulse buy at the grocery store checkout line. The bittersweet dark chocolate had a silky mouthfeel that was well balanced and creamy. I did, however, completely miss any notes of peanut butter and jelly. I actually found the addition of a brick-red dusting of strawberry powder on the underside of the bar a bit distracting.
That said, the soft notes of cannabis woven throughout the chocolate were uniquely piquant. My conclusion is that this luxury, medicated chocolate bar over-promised and under-delivered on the concept front but was saved by the quality of the chocolate and its quietly grassy aftertaste. Sidenote: Can we all agree to stop trying to remake the PB&J into some sophisticated flavor profile? Like, chill. Let chocolate be chocolate and save the culinary cleverness for someone who’s not on the verge of burning down their house in a wild fit of PMS.
In the 30 minutes or so before the chocolate took effect, I sobbed over not being able to open a jar of pasta sauce and then rage-screamed into a pillow after my toddler looked me dead in the eye and poured a bowl of Cheerios and milk onto the couch. And to top all that off, I spent what felt like an eternity in the bathroom vainly fighting against premenstrual constipation. Thankfully, the chocolate took effect and arrived like a bucket of cool water being poured over my hot, angry head.
Suddenly, everything was okay. My head was clear of any lingering anger, sadness, or anxiety. My body felt palpably uplifted, and if I'm being honest, a bit aroused. The fizzling firebox of emotions that I had been trapped in was extinguished and I was able to—gasp—enjoy the rest of my day.
“The body high was bouncy and soothing, like moon shoes on soft ground.”
I should also add that the high was gentle. Not once did I feel a loss of control or the kind of fuzzy, simple mindedness that's the trademark of an edible overkill. In fact, I felt more in control of my emotions than I had all week, and in the desperate throes of PMS, that’s incredible. The body high was conversely bouncy and soothing, like moon shoes on soft ground. I assume this supremely effective high was a result of the remarkably balanced combination of 6.55mg CBD and 4.34mg THC per square. I was definitely high, but more than that, I was cured of my savage hormone-based frenzy. I was calm. I was happy. I was friggin’ comfortable.
Obviously, I was sold on the high alone, but there are some added values that make these bars a double win for me. All of Leif Goods’ chocolate bars are made with organic, fair trade, and vegan-certified chocolate. Batch to batch, they’re stringently tested for consistency and safety. Some of their other flavors include Mint Hibiscus, New Mexican Shocolate, and Salted Chocolate, which all sound pretty bangin’ to me. And at $24 per 1.6oz bar, they’re fairly affordable, too.
Next time my period drops like the Times Square NYE ball (confetti, screaming hordes, champagne—you know, typical period stuff), you can count on me hoarding Leif Goods’ chocolate and boasting about my surprisingly blissful disposition.