Review
Gold Enough For 2 Chainz
While Somatik doesn’t explicitly state it, I think this edible is fancy enough for 2 Chainz and the upper echelon of cannabis consumers—without setting you back five dollar signs.
Coffee beans are all the rage these days. And as someone who needs an IV of coffee hooked up to my veins before I begin my day, I’m into it. Add a little THC in the mix and you’ve got my favorite type of edible. To make their version of chocolate-covered coffee beans, Somatik boasts that they linked up with “award-winning chocolatier Endorphin Foods and acclaimed Ritual Coffee to create a vegan, cane-sugar free, ethically sourced chocolate with an amazing complex taste.” But—do they stand up to all the hype?
“Long after the chocolate and coffee bean is gone, hints of nutty espresso linger in your mouth.”
At first glance, my eyes couldn’t ignore the “little sparkle” that resembled gold flakes. Did I wake up today as 2 Chainz on VICELAND’s Most Expensivest? I hoped so. As I discovered on Somatik’s website, one of the ingredients is mica. Some basic Googling informed me that mica is a “shiny silicate mineral” you can find naturally in granite and crystals. (It’s also used for electrical insulation, so do with that what you will.) While Somatik doesn’t explicitly state it, I think this edible is fancy enough for 2 Chainz and the upper echelon of cannabis consumers—without setting you back five dollar signs.
As for the flavor, Somatik’s Sparks do deliver on the promise of complex flavors. The beans begin with a fruity tartness that slowly transforms into a rich, chocolate espresso explosion of flavor. Long after the chocolate and coffee bean is gone, hints of nutty espresso linger in your mouth. At no point could I tell this tasty treat united all of those magical flavors with an unassuming 3mg of THC.
I typically dose between 5-10mg when it comes to edibles. The first time I tried Sparks I started with 2 beans and found that this was the perfect quantity to achieve an euphoric high and still tackle a to-do list. I floated peacefully through a Moroccan tile store with a gentle uplifted feeling in the crown of my head. The hand-painted tiles seemed to pop a little more than usual. It was almost enough to make me pull the trigger on my tile purchase. But have no fear, common sense prevailed. The entire high lasted only about an hour and a half. As my head high began to fade, I noticed with some relief that no unpleasant side effects were trying to creep in and tinge the experience.
Because I was so pleased with my first experience, I couldn’t wait to try these caffeinated beans of happiness again. Friday double-date night was the perfect occasion to see if the microdosing would help me maintain my euphoric state without impeding my ability to interact with other humans. After a few hours of good conversation and a tasty dinner, I can confidently say these chocolate coffee beans are an excellent companion for a social outing. The low dosage of Somatik’s Coffee Bean Sparks made it easy to maintain my high for a full evening. I consumed one bean every 45-60 minutes to keep the high going without overdoing it.
“They’re versatile enough to accompany an errand run or a beer-filled happy hour.”
I will say there was a brief moment I experienced some mild side effects. About 30 minutes after ingesting my first couple beans, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and a slight pulsing in my head. I wasn’t too worried about it though, because it was a familiar feeling. I know what it feels like to get too faded and what it’s like to load up on too much coffee in the morning. This side effect was definitely of the latter variety.
With everything I love about edibles—espresso, chocolate, the ability to microdose—rolled into a single product, Somatik’s Chocolate Coffee Bean Sparks are firmly cemented in my top edibles list. They’re versatile enough to accompany an errand run or a beer-filled happy hour, which is harder for an edible to balance than you might think. While Kiva Confections’ Terra Bites Espresso Beans will forever live on as the edible of choice at my wedding, Somatik Sparks are now my go-to sparkly bites to share at parties. And it really doesn’t hurt that they look the most expensivest.
