“The onset gave my body the sweetly fizzy relaxation that melts away neglected aches and pains.”

At times, my single bowl seemed to have no end. The cannabinoid profile of 27.17% THC and 0.06% CBD swaddled me with pain relief after I smoked a dime-sized bowl in a palm-sized pipe. That was much appreciated because I’d been battling the nausea of sleep deprivation all morning. But it would be nearly half an hour before the real boom descended upon me. OGKB’s tranquilizing main event would sideline me when I was halfway through a weightlifting workout, sending me straight home with a bad case of unfulfilled pump potential. I felt like I was leaving the gym with my tail between my legs.

I took note of how Gnome Grown’s OGKB hit me so I could design my next session to maximize its potential. I knew the onset was a bait and switch since it teased the kind of physical relaxation and mental detachment I’m typically looking for in a heavy strain. But when I hit a wall, I hit it hard enough to break my goddamn glasses.

For the second session, it was critical that I have a quiet, relaxing zone to fully enjoy these massively sedative effects, so I waited until my family had bedded down for the night and I went back in on another dime-sized bowl of OGKB, this time from a bong. Again, the onset gave my body the sweetly fizzy relaxation that melts away neglected aches and pains, and a head high that portends upcoming deep thoughts and/or quiet creative breakthroughs. I prepared by planting myself into the couch with my ubiquitous sketchbook, a diet coke, a bag of pretzels, and the Fire TV remote. In this iteration, everything felt just right. I only had to access my inner couch stoner and put my overachieving, workout stoner back in her brain box—easy!

“Even the sleep that followed was unbothered, velvety, and supremely refreshing.”

Hulu started auto-playing all the soapy dramas I call my guilty pleasures. My sketchbook page filled with bouncing dance booties and hands in vogue formation when the rocketship of maximum sedation hit me. I couldn't have been happier to be three episodes behind on The Handmaid’s Tale because, at this point, all I could do was lose myself in some pulpy prestige/trash television with a mouthful of pretzels and an orange soda. Which I did. And it was awesome. Even the sleep that followed was unbothered, velvety, and supremely refreshing.

Gnome Grown has cultivated a strain that lives up to the “heavy” hype and is precisely the type of flower you want to curl up with. It will shuttle you to sleep comfortably after making sure you’ve had enough snacks and screen time, but it will not help you disassociate during strenuous physical activity. It will put a concrete end to any and all physical pursuits and carry your eager behind right back to the nearest couch. Which, often, is exactly what one needs.