A Bath Bomb That Actually Does Something
I'd pick pain relief and super-soft skin over Instagram-worthy aesthetics any damn day.
In 2018, a hot bath is a pop culture-approved luxury rather than a very straightforward way to keep your ass clean. There is an entire market sector devoted to plush, pastel, fizzy, milky bath products and accessories aimed almost exclusively at femmes. Despite what the glittery fanfare and overly sweet perfumes would have you believe, dudes also like to simmer in hot, medicated baths—shocking, I know. Well, I am here to tell you that luxurious powder room self care can be straight up masculine, and the Majesty Uplift bath bomb supports my assertion.
“At 70mg of CBD, Majesty’s powerhouse of a bath bomb defied the norm.”
Full disclosure, I am every inch the bubble-bathing, sheet-masking, boudoir-candle-burning stoner diva. I am no stranger to a medicated bath bomb and often use non-medicated varieties to soothe the various aches and annoyances of my everyday womanhood. Of course I had legitimate expectations for this product, and for the most part, I felt my expectations were met, though not in the overtly feminine way I’m accustomed to.
At 70mg of CBD, Majesty’s powerhouse of a bath bomb defied the norm. There was no spectacular explosion of colorful fizz, the bathwater was not transformed into a technicolor galaxy, and the soapy bubbles I'd come to anticipate were DOA. But all of those features are superficial; fizz is ephemeral, too much soap dye can tint your skin, and bubbles aren't necessarily indicative of cleansing. What mattered most to me in testing this product was how well it quieted the screaming pain of my elder-millennial lower back and how supple my skin felt once the tub had been drained. On both counts I was impressed, but as with most things in life, there was definitely room for improvement.
The muted orange color of the bath bomb did not dissipate into the bathtub but rather collected along the edges in a surprisingly vibrant ring, which was a little bit “ew” if you ask me. If aromatherapy was an intended feature of this product, it was lost on me, but then again I wasn’t missing it either. By the time the bath bomb dissolved, I wasn’t left with an oil slick quivering on the bathwater’s surface or any telltale grit creeping up my backside—two absences I highly appreciated. What was left, however, was an almost immediate soothing of the sorest of my tortured back muscles and an eerily effective moisturizer that had my skin straight glowing for days afterward.
“My body felt like a beige velvet chaise for the rest of the week.”
I soaked for the better part of an hour in this medicated bath until my fingertips puckered and my crunchy heels softened. The
What led me to the conclusion that this product was less luxury and more therapy was a focus on results over aesthetic. The Majesty Uplift bath bomb is intended to treat physical distress; it didn't care that it did not provide me with an Instagram-worthy moment because it was providing me with comfort instead. The heavy perfumes, over-the-top fizz, and carefully constructed gimmicks of commercial bath bombs have no place in this product. I have emerged glittery and greasy from many an opaque spa bath, muscles still aching and mood still properly cranked, and let me tell you, it was a joy to eschew them for a proper relaxing soak.
This product ticks the most important features of a bath bomb off my list. It’s soothing and smoothing without exploiting my femme aesthetic, which frankly, isn't how I want to be marketed to in the first place.