The Vape For Weddings And Funerals
Even though it's marketed as an arousing vape pen, I found it came in handy for two of life's most uncomfortable events.
You know it’s going to be a weird one when the day of your childhood friend’s wedding begins with a text from your ride reading, “I guess it’s not chill to bring ppl to a funeral ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”
I sighed with relief. The excitement I’d felt for the marriage of two people I love and believe should be married (rare, I know) had only turned to dread when, a week before the wedding, my ride and date demanded I accompany him to a funeral the morning of. Without warning, another text appeared: “Fuck it, let’s do this.” Despite a litany protests on my end ranging from “no one brings friends to a funeral” to simply “plz no,” the wedding was important enough to bear this bizarre contingent. Rolling out of bed, I resigned myself to fate.
As a weed journalist, I always have a bevy of products that need reviewing. For this, the strangest of days, I grabbed Dosist’s Arouse vape pen, which on paper may seem like an odd choice. But being fresh out of a breakup, I was 100% certain a spontaneous sexual encounter would not come out of a day full of weddings and funerals. I’m a firm believer that sexy weed products only put you in the mood if you’re already in a situation where sexy times are bound to happen. Otherwise, they should just get you high like anything else. If anything, the rave reviews I’d heard about the Dosist line made me feel like I could count on having a good time no matter the situation.
“I hit it a few more times, and a warm feeling of calm washed over my tense little frame.”
Since being crowned a TIME “Best New Invention of 2017,” Dosist has been a hot commodity in the weed world. Slotted as the product to spearhead the anti-pharmaceutical movement, I was interested to see if it could take the place of, say, a klonopin, which I was sure to desire at some point during the day. Crashing the funeral of a stranger is a uniquely awful experience, the ultimate test of a weed product’s ability to keep you chill. Not that attending a raging wedding with a million people you haven’t seen since high school is relaxing either. Dosist had its work cut out. And it did not disappoint.
The funeral was in Malibu for someone loosely related to someone related to my ride/friend/funeral-and-wedding date, Brian. On the PCH, I began attempting to hit the Dosist. After spending a full minute trying to figure out which end to take a pull from (they look identical), an overwhelming wave of plastic inundated my zone. Flavor-wise, I give it a zero. It truly tasted like the creepy beige plastic encapsulating the oil. Pulling until I could pull no more, the vibration buzzed, and I let out a modest cloud of vapor. Thinking the vibration was part of its arousal shtick, I went on about what a fun little touch it was. Brian, who’s made millions in the weed industry, rudely illuminated me from the driver’s seat of his Porsche. “They all do that. It’s part of the medicinal aspect of the brand. How do you not know that?”