The Little Edible That Saved Christmas
Who knew a few chocolate-covered strawberries could reroute a potential disaster into a multicultural feast?
As a truly devoted, dyed-in-the-wool chocolate freak, Sartori Chocolates has my attention. Not just for zeroing in on how high-quality chocolate can enhance an edible experience but for using bright, tangy wild strawberries as a foil to all that decadence. The result is a decidedly mature take on what basically amounts to next-level Raisinets—better chocolate, better dried fruit, better sugar high, and also cannabis—which is very mature indeed.
“I wanted to pour the whole bag down my throat.”
One package of Sartori Wild Strawberries in Milk Chocolate contains about 15 servings. Each piece contains 3mg of THC, and there are three pieces in each serving. And let me tell you, it is really fucking difficult to eat three of these and then just walk away. I wanted to pour the whole bag down my throat. The milk chocolate is smooth, tempered to perfection, enveloping each petal of vibrant, desiccated strawberry with the ideal balance of chocolate to fruit.
Day one of rating these classic confections was spent at a local park with my family. When the onset arrived, my husband and I were in the middle of a conversation, facing each other on a park bench. I suddenly lost focus and delivered this non sequitur: “Well, that feels like a hot slap in the face. I like it.” The head high was bold and bright, plunging me into a technicolor version of an already vibrant afternoon. It was burly in its delivery—not violent, but assertive. It required a moment of shutting up and spacing out before it would reveal itself as a whole. The body high was elastic and bouncy, likely buttressed by the mild physicality of the afternoon, which included a vigorous walk, a bit of horseplay with the kiddos, various play structure domination, etc. All told, the head and body effects made for a contented, if a bit spacey, afternoon.
Day two of my testing adventure took place on Christmas morning. Once again, I ate three of these chocolates with my morning coffee. When the onset arrived, approximately 45 minutes later, I was in the kitchen prepping various ingredients for tamales con queso.
My cousin entered the kitchen and asked, “So, what are we having for dinner?”
“Tamales?” I replied. It was the only thing I’d volunteered to make and it would take hours.
The look she met me with was unmistakable. We had discussed a Christmas around the world theme that would require every participating family member to bring some non-traditional food item, taking the pressure off any one person. But for that plan to work, one of us would have to confer with every auntie, every cousin, and every ambitious niece and nephew in our family to sort through and create a menu. And we did not do that. Neither of us had called anyone to share this plan. We were in charge of an entire Christmas dinner for 10+ people and we didn't have any groceries aside from my tamale fixings.
“I was very high on chocolate-covered strawberries when I took control of this situation.”
I was very high on chocolate-covered strawberries when I took control of this situation and imagineered a “Christmas Around the World” menu. I was also very high when I dashed off a grocery list to my husband and sent him to the store. And I was very high while I made and cooked two dozen tamales, a small mountain of Filipino lumpia, five pounds of chicken parmesan, African peanut curry, Tang Tang noodles, ginger apple slaw, and fried tofu. And—here’s what’s truly remarkable—as high as I was, I was able to effortlessly compartmentalize, focus, and manage time to create an entire crazy-ass multicultural meal for my entire family. On top of all that, my body high never quit. I was energized and graceful through the entire dinner prep, and the head high kept me chipper and coordinated well after the meal was cleared and we were howling over a game of Cards Against Humanity (which my grandmother loved by the way).
This was a test I hadn't meant to administer to this edible. In fact, I thought this candy would be great for a do-nothing morning of assembling tamales and re-watching Rupaul's Christmas Special. What happened instead revealed how exceptionally functional Sartori Chocolates are. Despite a day that could have easily become a sloppy, ugly, mess of drama and/or $500 worth of take-out, Sartori Chocolates and I prevailed.