A Pineapple Trainwreck In The Truest Sense
With the chaos of this high came a healthy dose of inspired sweetness.
The name Pineapple Trainwreck paints a specific picture in my head. I imagine the sticky indulgence of lush tropical fruit and also being thrown from a runaway steam engine. I envision brûléed upside-down cakes but also the overthrow of the French monarchy. I see sweetness, but also chaos, which is an astute metaphor for the orchestrated discord of Eel River Organic’s Pineapple Trainwreck Sugar.
Each and every Eel River Organics strain is farmed “dry.” Dry-farmed plants capture winter rains and store moisture during the dry season. The method is quintessentially Californian—no irrigation, no waste, and water conservation-friendly. But more than that, the plants gain vigor in their fight for water, resulting in elevated THC levels and richer essential oils. The complete extraction process concludes with a concentrate that is powerfully strain-specific. If a sativa is sweet chaos, then Pineapple Trainwreck is the platonic ideal, even at a comparatively moderate 65% THC.
“The perfume carried an eyewatering bouquet of rose petals, citrus, and pine.”
I typically withhold dabs for days when I want a high that’s punchier than a pre-roll or vape but not as long-lasting as an edible. The day I auditioned this sugar was dedicated to crafty self-care; I wanted to sew, to be both lucid enough to execute a design and altered enough to design something exceptional. I wanted a high that would maintain itself for a couple of hours, and evaporate just like a flower high might. And I also wanted to get rocked out of my skull, if only momentarily. To each their own self-care, y’all. Eel River Organics' sugar concentrate checked off these boxes, slowly revealing itself to heighten creativity, narrow focus, and maintain an introverted happiness that transformed self-care day into an exclusionary self-love day.
The perfume carried an eyewatering bouquet of rose petals, citrus, and pine that belied the flavors of tart grass and toasted sugar. The inhale was comfortable, and the syrupy exhale lingered like the feeling of velvet on fingertips. The onset rose in waves, never achieving a fever pitch, but assertively making its intentions clear. It was my boss now, and even though I’m not one for domination, I was pretty into it.
I began the crafternoon with a hodgepodge pile of tropical print lycra fabric—apropos, I know. I compared the busy patterns against each other, struck by the weights of the fabrics. These were perfect for workout gear, and since my typical gym look is best described as “awkwardly dressed in the dark chic,” I moved forward with a plan to sew up a workout ‘fit that both Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez would be proud to do squats in. I mixed colors, textures, and patterns in ways I hadn’t done before, and I did so with this weird kind of blind confidence that was totally fueled by the sugar dab.
“That dab took me on a ride that made sewing for two hours feel like a legitimate thrill. ”
I worked for about an hour and a half on a set of workout separates. When they were complete, I stood back and looked at my work. This was too couture for Planet Fitness at 9am. This was worthy of a SoulCycle class, or a pole dancing intensive, or one of those hotshot rooftop yoga jams where celebrities sometimes show up. This was fashion! I was speechless. My work had well exceeded my goal for the day. It was an awesome feeling of accomplishment, elation, and whimsical intoxication. The whole time I was working, I was thinking, “I’m fucked up, I know I’m going to screw this up, but also who cares? This so much fun!” Such was Pineapple Trainwreck’s fine balance of creative control and gross surrender.
Also, I should note that halfway through my project, when I emerged from my sewing area to re-up my hot tea, my husband tried to start a conversation with me. But I had no interest in socializing. The high-key focus of this sativa demanded exclusion, and I had no time for anyone's business but my own.
My dose of Eel River Organics’ Pineapple Trainwreck Sugar was roughly the size of a small-ish unpopped kernel of popcorn, and that dab took me on a ride that made sewing for two hours feel like a legitimate thrill. Yes, there was chaos, but it was tempered with sweetness, and the result was a dizzying mishmash of tropical print lycra that turned into something spectacular. A pineapple trainwreck, if you will.