A Scientific Experiment In Happy, Sleepy Beddy-Bye Vibes
Scientifically speaking, GDP is good for “sleepy sleepy beddygoo ga bye byes.”
If your shoulders are so full of tension and stress that even the Groupon massage you’ve been hoarding wouldn’t do the trick, consider Lola Lola’s Granddaddy Purple pre-rolls. They just might lull you into a giddy puddle of “hey, life is pretty good” goo, which is as close as we can come to returning to the womb. And, let’s be honest, that Groupon massage probably expired a long time ago, along with that moonlit stand-up paddle boarding session. Oops.
“This is as close as we can come to returning to the womb.”
OK, let’s first talk about Granddaddy Purple. This was one of the first strains I learned about when I was familiarized with the modern cannabis phenomenon of “experience specific” strains. GDP, as the kids call it, is a heavy indica-dominant strain. It’s a cross between Purple Urkle and Big Bud. What does that mean in English, you ask? Scientifically speaking, GDP is good for “sleepy sleepy beddygoo ga bye byes.” Lola Lola’s pre-rolls have a THC level of 17.5%, which is slightly low for GDP, but it still offers an intense body relaxation and melty, mind-calming effects. In the past, I’ve only smoked GDP moments before closing my eyes in a smiley, dreamy haze because it’s great for insomnia and chronic pain. But this time, I smoked it and then stayed awake for science—and for you, dear reader. So take a moment and appreciate how generous and fucking cool I am.
Now let’s talk pre-rolls. I’ve found that, in general, they fall into one of two camps: massive, overpriced mega-joints that you can’t finish in less than 10 sessions so they become ashy and gross, or multi-packs of lightly filled, wimpy joints that burn faster than a dead fig tree in a California drought. But these Lola Lola pre-rolls seem to have found a perfect balance. They’re reasonably priced and well packed in chemical-free papers.
As the “purple” in Granddaddy Purple suggests, this strain often offers a sweet, grape-like aroma, but with these Lola Lola pre-rolls, I found the earthy, woodsy tones of GDP highlighted a little more. If you enjoy your indica-heavy strains in joint form because “jazz cigarettes” make you feel French AF, please put on your finest silk kimono, step onto your candlelit terrace, and slowly inhale the sweet, piney smoke of a Lola Lola GDP pre-roll while your spent lover languidly naps on your velvet chaise.
Or, if you’re more like me, stand in your sweatpants and a ripped t-shirt from your college improv team and quickly inhale in a panic before your elderly neighbor comes out and asks what that smell is.
Either way, you’re in for a treat. As I’m a tiny lady, I enjoyed about three mid-range hits and then waited. Please adjust accordingly based on your tolerance/experience/ego, kids. You can always do more but you can’t do less, so start with one hit and see what happens. I’ve smoked GDP in many different forms—making me a GDP connoisseur, if you will—so I was able to notice the higher quality of this product. The inhale was smooth and the exhale was not too, uh, coughy. This was a plus because I know that nosey neighbor is smelling and listening.
“At this moment, I felt an intense, overwhelming desire to do absolutely fucking nothing.”
I sat down at my desk to read some emails and about three minutes later, I was casually visited by a voice in my head that said, Oh, hello there, Mr. High! How are you? Doesn’t this feel lovely and fun?
At this moment, I felt an intense, overwhelming desire to do absolutely fucking nothing. And as someone obsessed with being productive, I wasn’t mad about it. Such a lazy ennui usually comes with a healthy dose of procrastination anxiety for me, but these GDP pre-rolls allowed me to be perfectly content doing nothing. It felt beyond freeing to casually appreciate a moment of calm. It made me think these pre-rolls would be so ideal for a chill vacation or day at the beach. Or, heck, maybe a chill vacation on the beach.
Again, if it weren’t for you, dear reader, I would have gone right to bed and drifted off into dreams of strawberry cheesecakes with graham cracker crusts. But I stayed awake to see what would happen like an ‘80s Wall Street banker experimenting with quaaludes. And like an ‘80s Wall Street banker on quaaludes, it took me about two hours to finish composing one email, but I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it.
Be warned: This is not the product for you if you’re looking to clean your bathroom or barrel through your taxes. Neither is this the product for operating a Turing machine while the military breathes down your neck in anticipation of an Enigma machine code break to end the war. (JK, Turing machines operate themselves.)
This is the product for you, however, if you could use help sleeping, reducing anxiety, chilling, relieving muscle pain, or keeping menstrual cramps at bay. It’s also great for petting dogs, snacking, staring at flowers, laughing alone in your room, or letting yourself enjoy a rare moment of beautiful nothingness.