“When I checked in with my body, the tension I had been carrying in my neck and joints for weeks was noticeably relieved.”

These 1:1 sublingual drops only have three ingredients: MCT coconut oil, cannabis oil, and food-grade terpenes. I was excited to try an edible that didn’t have any added sugar or artificial coloring, since I was more focused on keeping it healthy than usual. It had a very light herbal flavor with just a hint of coconut. It was not overly oily or flavored like some tinctures and was very clean on the palate, though it did finish with a slightly bitter aftertaste. The instructions say to let it sit under the tongue for a full minute, which is much longer than the more common suggested time of 15 to 30 seconds. It’s actually a challenge to not swallow for that long. I timed it out as best I could in my head, but probably didn’t make the full minute.

One dropper contains 16 mg of THC and 16 mg of CBD, which is a fairly potent dose. Though because the equal parts play well with one another, I didn’t experience a strong, intoxicating high, just an intense relaxation. I barely felt anything, but when I checked in with my body, the tension I had been carrying in my neck and joints for weeks was noticeably relieved.

“The drops helped my brain release its white-knuckled grip on reality, and I soon fell into a coma-like nap.”

It also helped quiet my anxiety about being too close to people, and I was able to take a relaxing, mental health friendly walk. As a writer, it has been my habit for years to take a walk to clear my head in the middle of the afternoon, but since everyone is home now, suddenly the streets of Los Feliz are littered with joggers and babies and people out in groups for no apparent reason. I was still very aware of being annoyed at people who were coming too near, but I didn’t feel the visceral tightening in my muscles. My shoulders stayed low and loose instead of retreating up to my ears every time someone dared tread closer than six feet. I still gave them the stink eye, but they couldn’t disturb my deep inner chill.

A few days later, I had only gotten about four hours of sleep, which had me on edge about feeling slightly sick, even though I was pretty sure it was simply due to exhaustion. I decided to try the sublingual drops again in an attempt to wipe out the anxiety so I could either take a nap, or just chill out for a while.

The drops helped my brain release its white-knuckled grip on reality, and I soon fell into a coma-like nap. Three hours later, I woke up in a stupor to a phone filled with texts. I had been called on a very important mission: I was trusted to pick up some freshly baked magic brownies from a very generous neighbor.

I called my friend who’s house is on the way and asked if he wanted to walk his dog, of course while staying six feet away. My mood was mellow AF and I was almost too sleepy to leave my bed. I managed to pull myself up and get out the door, even if at a glacial pace. I definitely didn’t have the energy for panic, so my body and mind moved through the street like syrup. I felt floaty, and only forgot where I was going once.

When I got home, instead of being annoyed at the lack of supplies for dinner, I took it as a fun challenge to cook up whatever I could find in the pantry and freezer, like I was in an at-home version of “Chopped.” Here’s what random cans and at-the-edge-of-rotting fresh veggies you have, chef, now make magic! I ended up with the weirdest stir fry I’ve ever had, but was still super chill about it all. Sometimes I think a positive attitude can even make things taste better.

These sublingual drops from Care By Design were a way for me to feel like I was giving myself an inside hug, in a time when hugging others is now frowned upon if not forbidden. They gave me a little bit of everything I needed to get through some of my most stressful quarantine days: a little CBD, a little THC and a lotta TLC.