Honey Boo Boo’s Gogo Juice Has Nothing On These Beans
These chocolate-covered coffee beans shook up my morning routine in the best possible way.
I have a formula for eating edibles in the morning. I usually take them on an empty stomach and then pile a conservative breakfast on top with maybe a cup or two of stiff black tea. If for some reason the edible makes me nauseous, I typically quell the discomfort with a quick bong hit and then go about my life. For some boneheaded reason, I recently popped one of Grön’s Dark Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans on a violently empty stomach, drank two cups of tea, and then proceeded to engage myself in an active, demanding morning. This resulted in a rocky start that eventually became a premium high, as well as a bit of insight on the best way to enjoy this clever marriage of zippy coffee and tranquil THC.
Grön's Dark Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans are made with a rich, 65% dark chocolate and locally roasted, single origin Ecuadorian coffee beans. The delivery is a stiff, bittersweet jolt of cacao punctuated by a gritty black pearl of pungent coffee bean. Expertly tempered chocolate gives way to a silky, smooth interior that is enhanced by (if you're into chomping into a coffee bean) the smoky, savory jewel of coffee in the center.
Expect to feel an electric jolt of energy from these beans. It’s not so much like a small cup of coffee or a shot of espresso, but like one big gulp of Honey Boo Boo's gogo juice—a bit spastic and turbid, but certainly fuel for fun. The THC-laced chocolate and the spazzy coffee bean harmonized beautifully—save for my own user error, of course. My stomach churned throughout my first appraisal of the product, and even after a mellow breakfast smoothie, the nausea was unshakeable.
Between the 4.5mg of THC per serving and my upper-middle tolerance, I expected to feel a just-discernible high. I expected a little bounce in my step, a faint giggle in my conversations, a mild gag on the overthinking voice in my head. But what I got was a simple, boring day at home that became a celebration of creativity. I bore down and completed projects I'd been putting off for weeks. A long neighborhood walk felt like a warm bath in golden sunlight. I was snapping iPhone pics of flowers like an obnoxious tourist. An hour spent planning an upcoming family trip concluded with firm, concise plans as well as warm, fuzzy anticipation. Everyday activities were enhanced without becoming opaque, and commonplace incidentals dripped with beauty. I sincerely enjoyed the ride one little coffee bean provided. Still, I was crazy nauseous the entire time.
Even after finally cramming a smoothie down my throat, nausea remained the defining feature of my first jaunt with this product, which is why the second time around was particularly successful. Knowing that several cups of strong black tea and an angrily grumbly stomach would present significant discomfort, I axed the tea and doubled down on a nutritious breakfast before consuming this edible. Thanks to that wise decision, my day was spent in rhapsodic ebullience.
All of the high points of the first day—of which there were many—were present on day two, but without the nagging need to clutch my guts and double over every 30 minutes or so. I felt the same creative boost, the bolts of inspiration, the clean, zippy body buzz, and an elevation of my already pretty jolly mood. A few tweaks to my standard edible-eating formula resulted in one of my favorite chocolate-covered highs.
My new formula for eating edibles goes a little something like this: breakfast first, then edible, then attention to any burgeoning feelings of discomfort. If any discomfort does pop up, then I quickly squash it with a couple bong hits before the edible has a chance to leave me feeling seasick and petulant about it. As it turns out, I really have to stick to this strategy for caffeinated THC products, because they can wreak a special type of havoc on those with sensitivities (ahem, me). My excess black tea on day one most definitely contributed to my churning stomach, and the elimination of it on day two seemed to ensure a smooth ride with plenty of a.m. buzz.
My main takeaways from my two-day review of Grön's Dark Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans are that they are an effective, tasty way to start the day. But for the love of your guts, have breakfast first and skip your morning coffee.