A Chocolate Good Enough For My Inner Mariah Carey
True story: This high made me feel like Mariah Carey.
My well-established self-care routine was recently challenged when I read a blurb about Mariah Carey's infamous “milk baths.” My buddies and I had a good laugh about the idea of filling an entire tub with gallon after gallon of cold 2% just because we read about it on a DIY beauty blog. But on reflection, Mariah is obviously filling her solid-gold tub with the creamy whole milk of a beach-blonde Guernsey, her essential-oiled skin glowing in the light of several hundred expensive votive candles. The juxtaposition of lavish luxury and cow titty discharge haunted me for days, rising to a fever pitch the day I engaged in my own creamy luxury via Peak Extracts’ Gorilla Glue Chocolate Bar.
“Is this what it feels like to step into a hot bath full of whipped cream?”
Peak Extracts' strain-specific chocolate bars are cleverly packaged with a color code that reflects the strain and effects of each product. Bright indicas are blue, heavy indicas are purple, bright sativas are orange, and heavy sativas are red. Wildcard (i.e. hybrid) strains are green and CBD strains are white. Each Peak Extracts’ chocolate bar is made with 70% cacao, resulting in a deeply bittersweet chocolate with mild tannic notes and a finish creamy enough to make the beach-blonde Guernsey I assume Mariah Carey owns proud. The faintest ephemeral whisper of cannabis flower lingered at the aftertaste, only to be exhaled away as quickly as it was noticed. All said, it was a damn fine piece of chocolate with or without the promised "electric, buzzy, intense" high.
But when the high arrived, it brought with it a feeling of opulence so decadent I think I became Mariah Carey a little bit. A Vision of Love (read: Mimi in her perfumed milk bath) danced through my mind as the onset of this chocolate bar began to envelop me. The high came on slowly and evenly, gradually working its way up my body. Is this what it feels like to step into a hot bath full of whipped cream? The extreme dairy fantasy that I had been obsessing over seemed to be occurring inside me as the chocolate blossomed into a blissfully heavy sativa high. My body pulsed with ribbons of silky dark chocolate, sweetening my every thought and movement. Walking across the room was a sexy ballet, stretching out on the couch was a seductive affectation, adjusting my glasses felt more like provocative fondling than, you know, making sure I could see.
My personal diva touchstone may differ from yours, but whether you're a Whitney, a Cher, a Dolly, or an Elton, this edible will have you feeling all of your prima donna fantasies. Peak Extracts produces pesticide-free cannabis and gourmet 70% dark chocolate couverture. All of their bars are vegan, gluten-free, and rich in antioxidants, which really amps up the decadence if you ask me. But you really know you’re in good hands when you find out their proprietary process preserves the naturally present terpenes and flavonoids that make each strain unique. Each product is double-tested for purity, uniformity, and potency, which makes a lot of sense since the consistency within a single chocolate bar really hit the mark.
“This edible may not be the best for big social interactions unless they are hyper-focused on how sexy you feel.”
Even the most banal actions felt lavish because my inner Mariah was in full butterfly mode and I loved it. And just like Mariah's vocal range, the high was nuanced from start to finish. First it imbued everything with dreamy vibes, before giving me the tenderest diva disposition and even brightening my surroundings, offering a truly psychotropic experience. I remained firmly functional, later traipsing around a farmers’ market like a Disney princess (played by a young Mariah Carey, obviously). However, in true diva fashion, I could hardly bother with a social call to a friend later that day. My high kept me far too aloof to remember anything about the doomed visit (apparently we made plans for brunch later in the week that I promptly spaced). In this regard, I think this edible may not be the best for big social interactions unless they are hyper-focused on how sexy you feel.
This product uplifted me in all the best ways save for one—my capacity for empathy. For those who lean on edibles to ease the anxiety of social calls, this particular Peak Extract product might not be the one for you. But when personal interactions aren't the objective of your day and you are super down to get all up into your decadent diva fantasies, there is no other product I would recommend.